im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
