How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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