Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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