I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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