So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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