Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
