I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
