These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
