I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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