how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
