Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
