He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
