so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
