she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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