Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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