Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
