i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
