"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
