It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
