You made me cry and you don't even care
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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