so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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