bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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