I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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