i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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