my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
