At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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