just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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