Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
