Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
