the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
