erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
