Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
