let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
