fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
