office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
