So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
