so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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