Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
