i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
