Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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