Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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