i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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