I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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