I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
