Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
