That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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