Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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