I want to make a zoo with you.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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