My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
