I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
