The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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