If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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